


Murderous Roommate

by Yoshishisha



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Derek Hale & Stiles Stilinski are the Same Age, Human!Derek, M/M, Misunderstandings, comedic misunderstandings, mentioned/implied dismemberment, no actual dismemberment, throwaway mention of burning children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-15 21:10:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13039473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoshishisha/pseuds/Yoshishisha
Summary: Stiles's new roommate is... weird. And as time goes on, Stiles becomes more and more convinced that he's an actual murderer. It would be much more simpler if Derek could stop being so nice about it though. He's giving Stiles all sorts of conflicted feelings. (Or 3 times Stiles thought Derek was a murderer, and 1 time he didn't)





	1. 1. In which Stiles gets poisoned

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Scales-not-skin](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Scales-not-skin).



> This is a gift for scales-not-skin over on tumblr so I hope they like it! I love comedic misunderstandings, and I hope they do too :D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles's new roommate is weird and hot. It shouldn't be a problem, but he just possibly tried to kill Stiles, so...

Stiles's new roommate was... weird.  

"He's hot, but like, not in a hot way. More of a scary way, I guess. Do I make sense?" 

"No you don't." 

In hindsight, Scott had been exactly the wrong person to ask about this. His own crush on Allison had been uncomplicated, a story straight out of fairy tale, if not for her bigoted father. It had never come to Scott's mind to ask himself whether it was sane for him to like Allison at all, especially since first impressions had bred true.  

"He looks like he wants to murder me," Stiles clarified. "Maybe not me in particular, maybe he just wants to murder the world in general. Anyways when I welcomed him here yesterday, he gave me the most beautiful shy smile, I swear you could see the flowers blooming behind it like a Disney movie or something."  

Stiles heard a dismissive snort, but he was barely exaggerating this time; Derek's smile had truly been this enchanting. He sobered up when he remembered what happened next. "And then he glared at me like I'd killed his puppies"  

“Sure Stiles,” Scott said absently, and wow. He absolutely didn’t believe him, the  _ traitor _ . 

Stiles let out a dismayed groan as he got off the phone with Scott, and laid on the floor to bury his face in his hand. It would have been more comfortable lying on the bed, no doubt, but it was currently occupied by boxes and there was no way Stiles was unpacking them right now. He spent a few minutes wallowing about his hot roommate who apparently hated him, then let his hands fall to his side with a sigh and opened his eyes.  

“Holy fucking Jesus-“ 

Stiles would forever deny the unholy shriek that escaped his mouth when he noticed the form standing immobile in the doorframe to his room. How long had Derek been standing there? Had he seen Stiles’s entire mini-freakout? How come he hadn’t said anything for fuck’s sake! 

“I made welcome cupcakes,” Derek said,  _ an absolutely unwelcoming expression on his face _ . There was no way Derek had made welcome anything, not with that murder scowl. 

“Are they poisoned?” Stiles asked, and god, there went his brain to mouth filter again. “I mean, poisoned… with love and kindness, of course!” Stiles hastened to add before Derek’s expression could do anything but cool a few degrees – which considering how cold it already was would have sent it to sub-antarctical temperatures for sure. “Thanks dude, that’s really nice of you,” he added more sincerely. Which reminded him. 

“Wait a sec please?”  

Stiles’s father had made sure to ply him with welcome gifts – likely prompted by Melissa – and they were supposed to be somewhere in – “There you go!”  

He took out a wolf figurine and handed it to Derek. It was pretty cute, if he was honest with himself. A stone carver friend of his mom’s sent them a bunch of little sculptures like this one every year, and there were only so many they could keep for themselves. A look at Derek’s face told him the other man held a completely different opinion. He seemed… oddly freaked out, and kept staring at Stiles as though he was a witch or something.  

He did end up taking the wolf, and shoved a container full of cupcakes in Stiles’s hands before leaving the room without another word. “Okay, it was nice meeting you too?” Stiles called after him, but the other was already gone.  

He opened the container to see what seemed to be red-velvet cupcakes, his favourites! Derek clearly hadn’t made them in their tiny kitchen, but they seemed to be the perfect texture, and Stiles resolved to thank his roommate properly later. He bit into the cupcake, ready to feel the burst of his favourite flavour – and choked, his mouth  _ suddenly on fire! _

They were definitely poisoned. Who even put hot chilli pepper in cupcakes?  


	2. 2. In which there are body parts in the fridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surely Stiles is mistaken. Surely those aren't actual body parts in the fridge. Right?

"Scott, Scott, I am actually going to die," Stiles whimpered through the phone, hidden in the bathroom, as far away from Derek's bedroom as he could be while remaining in the apartment.  

"Stiles, is this about Derek being a serial killer again?" Scott's tired voice came through tinny and weird, like there was a bad connection or something. Had Derek been tampering with the phone just so Stiles couldn't call for help? That would be devious, but Stiles couldn't reject any hint of murderous intent anymore.  

"Jesus Scott, it would be awesome if you could sound at least a bit concerned about my welfare," he hissed. "There were body parts, Scott, actual real life body parts!" his voice was rising in pitch, but there was a surprising lack of panic that accompanied it.  What kind of homicidal psychopath stored body parts in the fridge? Even for a serial killer, that had to be breaking some rule, right?  

"I'm sure there's a very reasonable explanation for this, Stiles," Scott answered, and Stiles could now hear what seemed to be the sound of several people talking round him. "Maybe he just came back from the butcher or something." 

"There was still skin on the leg, Scott," Stiles protested. "And there's no butcher in a 50 miles’ radius, and Derek's car did not leave the driveway. Are you seriously partying while I am in danger of dying here?" 

A dial tone indicated that the line had been lost, despite the 4 bars visible on Stiles's phone, and his frantic texts to Scott were left unanswered. It was as he cautiously left his bedroom later that day to get himself something to eat that Stiles crossed path with Derek for the first time that day.  The guy was biting his lips while looking at the fridge  _ that still contained body parts, how could he do that _ , only raising his head when he heard Stiles coming. "Stiles!" he said, a way too gorgeous grin stretching his features., and Stiles's heart melted a little.  

Derek's expression suddenly became slightly abashed. "Erm, about the," he made a vague motion towards the fridge, which right  _ still contained body parts _ with a self-depreciating edge to his smile. "You don't mind, do you?" 

Stiles must have made a very disturbing expression, because Derek almost immediately backtracked. "Of course you mind, sorry, I know not everyone is okay with that kind of thing." Stiles's eyebrows slowly climbed higher up his forehead. Had Derek really met people who were okay with this? How many serial killers resided in this area? 

He quickly decided to change the subject for his peace of mind, and asked the most important question. “How long is it gonna stay here?”  _ Please let it be gone fast _ , he mentally continued. 

“Not much longer,” Derek answered. “I’m just helping out a friend right now, I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.” 

Oh, and that was… slightly reassuring? Maybe? For all that everything about Derek seemed to indicate that he was surrounded by a lot of crime, he didn’t actually seem to be involved in any of it, so that had to count for something. Maybe he was just friends with serial killers, and not actually one himself, which would explain why he was such a sweet person in general.  

Maybe Stiles could keep crushing on him with a free conscience now. 


	3. 3. In which Derek is a child killer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek isn't so bad after all, now that Stiles has gotten to know him. They even watch movies together these days, and nothing weird ever happens so maybe everything else was just a fluke. Or not...

Stiles had forgiven Derek for the poisoning. Really! He might have held  a  _ tiny little bit  _ of a grudge at first, because surely his impolite staring that first day (and how could he help it, Derek had been doing crunches above the doorframe) didn't warrant such a terrible revenge as  _ cupcake poisoning _ ? But it was hard to hold on to that feeling of revenge with someone who kept letting you eat his leftovers, and let you dry your clothes together to save on the washing machine fee.  Admittedly, there was also the fact that Derek had asked almost gingerly if Stiles had liked his cupcakes, and almost melted in relief when Stiles had lied his ass off and answered in the affirmative. The poisoned cupcakes were probably an accident, and Stiles would be an asshole if he kept a grudge against the guy due to a culinary disaster. 

How that led to Stiles offering to watch a movie as a peace offering only one of them seemed aware of, Stiles wasn't sure. The movie wasn’t even that good, and it did terrible things to Stiles’s hearts, seeing as he and Derek had begun gravitating towards each other with boredom. He was all too conscious of the warm line of Derek’s folded leg on the side of his thigh, and it was all he could do to focus intensely on the scene in an attempt to keep himself from reaching out towards his roommate. Currently, the chief inspector was talking to a mortician about the pile of slightly warm ash found on the floor of a crime scene, and trying to figure out how long ago the body had been burnt. 

“No one cares anyway, what would a mortician even know about how long it takes to burn a body to the bones. I’m pretty sure a pile of ash is out of their job description," he whined for lack of a better thing to say. 

It worked, for Derek scoffed in answer. "Way more than an hour, that's for sure.  3 hours isn't even enough to burn a child to the bone, let alone an adult." He froze, as though suddenly realising what he'd let slip. 

Stiles slowly turned around, and carefully didn't tense as he looked at his suddenly terrifying roommate. "And how do you know that?" he asked carefully, not wanting to upset who  _ oh my god had probably burned a child alive _ ! Stiles forced himself to take calm breaths. Surely it was a misunderstanding. Stiles knew way stranger information, and hadn’t ever been involved in a crime of any sort after all. Anytime now, Derek was going to laugh and confess to going on one of those embarrassing googling sprees that ended at 3 am with him calling his best friend to ask him whether his circumcision had been TK or TK. (it turns out Scott wasn't circumcised, and Stiles couldn't believe he'd never even noticed) 

Despite all the time Stiles's mental rant had given Derek to come up with an excuse, all that had occurred was Derek's face becoming tellingly white as his jaw clenched to become as tense as the line of his body, and oh no. Nonono no way!  Stiles's face must have made a terrible expression, because when Derek caught sight of it, he simply smiled wryly and turned his head away. As though Stiles's expression was deserved! Which must mean that... 

"Right, awkward subject, never bringing up burning children ever again!"  Derek gave a violent flinch at that, but Stiles couldn't bring himself to care because what the hell???  

"It wasn’t my fault," Derek said as though this was supposed to make anything better, and, really? He looked like he felt guilty as hell, so at least he presumably regretted his crime, but what the hell? Nope, not even touching that one with a ten-foot pole. 

"Dude, did you not hear me? Not discussing this. Ever!" 

Thankfully, Derek shut up after that, but the easy mood they’d managed to establish was shot to hell. Derek was holding himself stiffly from the hidden glances Stiles snuck his way, but his leg was no longer resting on Stiles’s own, and Stiles didn’t know whether to be disappointed or grateful about it. 

Setting children on fire, Jesus.


	4. +1. In which Derek is not a murderer after all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so maybe Stiles has been the slightest bit mistaken. It is possible that Derek isn't a murderer after all. Maybe. Possibly. Probably.

Stiles could not take it anymore. He’d been sitting on this particular confrontation for a while, but he knew even his defective moral compass could not let him share a place with a serial killer.  _ Now if only my fucking heart could get the memo _ , Stiles cursed himself as he paced their living room as Derek observed him from the sofa. God, but he was still unfairly beautiful, the asshole; why couldn’t he have the decency to look like a serial killer and ease Stiles’s confused hormones?

“Are you going to explain why you summoned me here, or are you just trying to give me a headache with your endless pacing?”

“This was not a summon,” Stiles argued, and why was he focusing on entirely the wrong part of that situation? No matter, he could not let that stand. “This is a friendly meeting, between roommates, because we need to draw a few lines in the sand.”

Derek looked at him dubiously, and okay, maybe Stiles had based the message he’d taped on Derek’s door on a template for a summon in court. But that was only because Google had been completely unhelpful when he’d typed “how to confront your roommate about his evil murderous ways” and the court order had been the closest realistic solution!

“I know the truth,” Stiles told Derek, letting the words hang in between them.

Derek’s stare was entirely blank in answer.

“About you,” Stiles specified, because maybe he hadn’t been clear enough?

Derek didn’t blanch exactly. He didn’t shout or shiver, or become dangerously paler. What he did was become utterly still. For a moment, Stiles didn’t think he was breathing, and oh god he hadn’t actually expected his accusations to yield anything.

“Listen, I understand that sometimes people can be annoying,” he continued to fill the silence, because anything would be better than the current tenseness of the air. “And sometimes you might even wonder, hey, what if that super annoying person was gone? But dude. Dude.” The last word was stretched out, and Stiles leaned over the coffee table to stare Derek in the eyes. The other was still frozen, but this time there seemed to be an air of confusion around him. Hah, joke was on him, because Stiles didn’t know what the fuck he was doing either. This was supposed to be an accusation or a confirmation of suspicions, not an attempted rehabilitation of a murderer. Still, go big or go home, and considering that he was already home, the only thing Stiles could do was go big.

“Dude,” he repeated, ignoring Derek’s automatic mutter of “don’t call me dude” to continue his thought. He looked into Derek’s eyes and let the emotion fill his eyes. “Murder is  _ never  _ the answer!”

At long last, Derek moved.”I’m sorry what?”

And seriously, had Derek never considered that not murdering people was an option? “Murder,” Stiles repeated. “There are so many alternatives for dealing with annoying people other than murder. Or violence,” he amended, because he did not want Derek to pull a Daredevil and beat people into a near coma instead.

“I know that,” Derek said slowly, as though Stiles was the illogical one. He gave Stiles a strange look. “Did  _ you _ know that?”

And no no no, he didn’t get to do this. “No way pal, we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about  _ your  _ desperate and uncontrollable need to murder people. Stop doing that! And don’t bring their corpses back home maybe?”

And now Derek seemed like an odd mix of relieved and indignant.

“I don’t  _ murder _ people,” he said, sounding utterly disgusted. “And bringing corpses back home?”

The doubt that had been beginning to seep through Stiles’s mind disappeared at that. “Yes!” he shouted triumphantly, momentarily forgetting to feel terrified about facing an  _ actual murderer jesus Stiles, focus! _ “The body parts in the frige, don’t even pretend that didn’t happen,” he said accusingly. “You even asked me if I was okay with it!”

“My friend’s a hunter,” Derek countered, and seriously, did he think that would help?

“I don’t care what you people call yourselves – “

“Braeden, you’ve met her?”

Stiles froze. He had met the woman, but he’d liked her and thought she might be a good influence on Derek. “Oh god, are you telling me she’s a serial killer too?”

Derek rolled his eyes, almost forgetting to look angry for a second. “She’s a hunter,” he gritted between clenched teeth. “She hunts animals. That was a wild hog whose parts were in the fridge.”

And oh, that did explain Derek’s reaction better. “But… the blood? And you wrapped them up like you were trying to hide something, what was I supposed to think!?”

“Maybe that I wasn’t a murderer?” Derek answered incredulously.

Granted, that was a valid response, but that wasn’t the only thing on Stiles’s list. “Okay, but there’s still that time you tried to poison me.”

Derek looked honestly puzzled this time, and Stiles felt himself flush in embarrassment. “You know… with the…” He wiggled his hands a bit, trying to illustrate the box the cupcakes had originally been in. “The red velvet cupcakes with, oh yeah,  _ red hot chili in them _ !?”

“Red hot chili in what now?”

Derek sounded honestly shocked, and Stiles found his anger fading quickly. God, was that another misunderstanding? There was no way he’d imagined that fire burning in his mouth, and the countless glasses of milk that had followed.

“Is that why you’re always so careful whenever you eat something I make?” Derek said with a growing tone of realisation as he stood up to get closer to Stiles. “You think I’m trying to, what, poison you?”

Said like that, it did sound ridiculous, Stiles had to admit. But the taste had never quite left his mouth, and no amount of Derek’s pretty green eyes would distract him from that truth.

“I know what I tasted, and I don’t know why you poisoned your welcome cupcakes, but you totally did!”

“That’s ridiculous!” Derek argued, and his eyebrows looked so menacing it was all Stiles could focus on. “I made those cupcakes by hand, and the only non-classical thing I put in was the-” He froze, and his eyes shifted almost guiltily to the kitchen, “-red food colouring…”

Stiles scoffed. “So what? You’re saying you “accidentally” put hot sauce instead of red in my cupcakes.”

Even as he spoke, the plausibility of the scenario made him doubt Derek’s bad intentions. Maybe, if he squinted and tilted his head sideways, he could maybe see how such a mistake could be made. That theory was only confirmed by Derek’s reddening face as he stubbornly kept avoiding Stiles’s gaze.

Stiles sighed explosively. “Fine, let’s pretend I give you a pass on that one,” he said, though he held a finger in the air to withhold any other objections. “That doesn’t explain the fucking  _ burning children _ Derek!”

And that was really the crux of the problem. There was no way Derek could explain the burning children, or his obvious guilt when Stiles had questioned the way he’d acquired that knowledge. Stiles knew his moral compass wasn’t exactly the best, but surely the proper answer to “how do you know about burning children” wasn’t a half-hearted “It wasn’t my fault” followed by a guilty look.

That same guilty look was on his face again, but this time Stiles’s glare didn’t falter. No pretty face could erase that level of murder. Derek looked down at the ground for such a long time that Stiles thought he wouldn’t actually get an answer.

“My family died in a fire,” Derek said, and Stiles’s stomach dropped to his shoes.

He wasn’t equipped for that level of tragedy, and yet he couldn’t help but wonder somewhat morbidly if Derek had been there to see the fire, or if he’d only seen the aftermath. The silence lingered on though, and surely there was something Stiles could say to stop it from becoming suffocating.

“Well that sucks dude,” Stiles said, and quickly regretted speaking at all when Derek’s piercing gaze met his own. That gaze was trapping him and Stiles was desperate to escape it, which might explain the words that came out of his mouth after. “Do you wanna go out with me?”

This time, the silence was baffled, and Stiles tried to backtrack. “I don’t mean that as sorry-for-thinking-you-were-a-murderer thing, although I totally am sorry believe me!” he amended when a scowl began to set on Derek’s face. “I really am sorry, but I’m asking for more than that. Like, pretty much the only reason why I didn’t ask you before was that I’m not comfortable dating a serial killer, but you’re not so it’s great! I mean you’re pretty, and you feed me, and I like it when we watch movies together, and you obviously didn’t comment on how weird I was being with the whole murder thing, so you’re pretty much a keeper as far as I’m concerned, right? So yeah. Do you wanna go out with me?”

Stiles took a deep breath at the end of his tirade, centering himself and waiting for Derek’s answer.

“Your head must be an interesting place,” Derek said, head lowered to the ground. For a moment, Stiles didn’t know whether that was meant as a compliment or an insult, but Derek looked at him and Stiles relaxed at the view of the soft smile on his face.

“I don’t hear a no,” Stiles smiled, tentatively stepping closer to the other.

“That’s because it wasn’t,” Derek answered, taking a hold of Stiles’s hand.

Stiles didn’t even try to keep the growing grin off his face. Maybe this could work after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed this! I put all of my writing over @ yoshiscribbles.tumblr.com, and my main is yoshifics.tumblr.com so come and visit if you'd like :D


End file.
